Obsession isn’t about love, it’s about control.
We’re often told that in relationships behaviours like constant monitoring or showing up to your location unannounced is a sign of affection and love.
But that’s not love, it’s stalking, and that’s a form of abuse.
Stalking can look like someone being obsessed with you, but it’s not romantic, it’s about control, fear, and power. Stalking is a serious form of abuse and is a crime in Ireland.
Stalking can happen before, during, or after a relationship, and is often a form of coercive control, especially when someone uses it to scare, manipulate, or isolate you.
If someone keeps contacting you, turning up uninvited, or is always tracking what you do—even after you’ve asked them to stop—that’s stalking.
Movies and pop culture often glamorise intense attention—constant texts, surprise gifts, showing up uninvited, or someone saying, “I can’t live without you.” But when someone ignores your boundaries, watches your movements, or won’t take no for an answer, it can make you feel trapped, anxious, and unsafe.
Signs You Might Be Experiencing Stalking
- They pressure you into talking to them or staying connected
- They constantly message or call you—even after you’ve told them not to
- They track your location (through apps, social media, or in person)
- They follow you or turn up where you are unexpectedly
- They monitor your social media activity in ways that feel intense or invasive
- They ask friends or family about you, or try to stay close through them
- They send unwanted gifts, letters, emails or DMs
- They make threats to harm you, themselves, or others if you try to cut contact
- They take pictures/recordings of you without your consent.
Even if it feels small or subtle at first, stalking often builds over time and can seriously impact your safety, mental health and freedom.
If someone’s behaviour is making you feel scared, pressured, or watched— you’re not overreacting. Whether it’s an ex who won’t let go, or someone crossing your boundaries, stalking is real, harmful and never ok.
New provisions in the Criminal Justice (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act will allow victims of stalking, by a person who is not a current or former partner, to apply to the District Court for a civil order to prohibit such behaviour continuing. You can learn more about applying for legal protections here.
Remember, you deserve to feel safe and live free from fear, in and out of relationships. If you’re worried you may be experiencing stalking, you can chat to us at toointoyou.ie or call the Women’s Aid 24hour National Freephone Helpline at 1800 341 900.